Yes, you – about to sit next to me on the bus. I’ve recently developed some ground rules, and you’ll need to agree before I consent to share this space.
Please refrain from:
Eating stew from tupperware,
Picking at your elbow scabs,
Clipping your nails into your lap or over the aisle floor,
Sneezing on me,
Bleeding from the mouth.
I have recently experienced all of the above. I think once is enough.
Me: “I don’t know if I want the onion rings or the fries.”
Mike: “Mine come with fries. You can have some of them.”
Me: “Those are impressive looking fries. I would like many of them.”
Mike: “They should be skinnier. I prefer skinny fries with my mussels.”
Mike: “I don’t know. I guess it’s just what I’m used to.”
Me: “You always get fries when you get mussels?”
Mike: “Well, that’s how they come.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Mike: “That’s how mussels come. It’s a Belgian thing.”
Me: “But … we’re not in Belgium.”
Mike: “But that’s still why.”
Is this one of those things everyone else knows about?
Mike does has a tendency to state strange pieces of trivia as though they are common knowledge. He also has a tendency to be right, though.
I need confirmation. Also, an explanation. Anyone?
Discoveries this week:
* The women’s bathroom at Penn Station smells of yogurt.
* Mariachi bands occasionally leap into the subway train as the doors are closing whilst striking up a mariachi tune and this is startling.
* Working part time somehow means I have considerably less free time than when I was working full time.
* If you go to the same bar on a regular basis they’ll eventually bring you a free bread pudding.
On left: no smoking.
On right: no 80’s style boom boxes.
Center: No becoming an ice machine.
The subway authorities, they have their reasons.
It’s legal to drive through red lights in Brooklyn. As long as you speed up and honk all the way through the intersection, it’s totally ok.
… well, you explain my neighborhood then.
From the guy behind me in line at the pharmacy counter:
“This war. This war.
I know what the problem is. I know the problem with this war.
The problem is, they’re exploding people.
Yup. Eyeballs and legs everywhere. That’s the problem.”